Back in March 2020 my wife persuaded me to agree to use some of our savings to purchase a log burner for our front room. The idea was to save money in heating costs and, at the same time, add a more cosy feel to our living room. The installation of the log burner actually took place on the morning of the day when the UK Prime Minister announced a country wide lockdown due to a new fast spreading virus (Covid-19). Not only did it help with heating the home but in those first few weeks of lockdown working out how to use the log burner was fascinating. Most log burners have two air vents, one at the bottom, controlled by a knob that you turn, and one on the top, which is a sliding rectangular vent. To get the fire started you need both vents fully open so that the maximum amount of oxygen is available to assist in the process. However, leaving the vents open fully for too long will flood the fire with oxygen and lead to the fuel being expended faster than necessary. With both vents fully open, though the flames are beautiful, and the heat is intense. The way individual flames seem to dance across the wood and climb the sides of the log burner can be mesmerizing, but it doesn’t last long, the wood soon burns itself out, the heat dissipates, and the benefits are over all too quickly. To keep the log burner working to its full potential you need to get the right level of oxygen inflow, so that the flames and heat stay constant, last longer, and warm the house efficiently.
Does this remind you of anyone you know? Is there a family member or friend who is running around doing everything, helping everyone, never stopping. They can look beautiful and mesmerising in their actions, the warmth they show to others can be intense and amazing to watch. Sadly, the likelihood is that unless someone steps in to help them, they will burn themselves out just like an over oxygenated fire – raging, sometimes uncontrollably, but eventually coming to a standstill, exhausted, and completely depleted.
Does this sound like you? Are you driven to do everything yourself? Do you feel that you can’t burden others with the tasks that you have taken on? Do you feel that you will let people down if you don’t fulfil all the expectations others have of you? Are you full steam ahead with both vents fully open, and quickly burning up your fuel? Maybe you’re already running on fumes, or completely on empty?
Just like the log-burner, you will be of greater help to yourself and to those around you in the long term if you find the right balance of “oxygen inflow”. Keeping that balance gives you the time to ‘refuel’ and even allows you to generate heat with your embers, whilst the wood starts to light.
So, what should we do if we recognise these traits in ourselves or someone else? Below are some steps that you can take, or help others to take:
- Recognition – Like with most other things, the first step of making any change in our lives is to recognise and acknowledge that change is required.
- Evaluate – If possible, ask for help in evaluating some of the reasons why you feel the way you do, what drives you to go forward, full steam ahead, non-stop.
- Listen – Those that love you the most are always concerned for your well-being, so listen to their concerns, their observations, don’t feel judged, feel loved.
- Inhale – Take a deep breath and relax. Take time to reflect on your own honest self-assessment and the feedback you have received from those you love and trust.
- ‘Giving’ Goals– Set yourself ‘giving’ goals, ones that do not require superhuman effort to achieve. Set goals that ‘give’ you time for yourself, time to ponder, time to reflect, time to read, time to write, time for family/friends, time for fun, time to just rest.
- Help – When you are bogged down with too many tasks, ask for help, there are family, friends, work colleagues, and maybe even strangers who are willing to help when things get too much, or too hard. Don’t be embarrassed to ask. You are not a failure, you are human.
- Time-out – You may need to take some time out to refuel, to reset your ‘air vents’. There is nothing wrong with doing this, it will allow you to continue burning brighter for longer. It is better to be the welcoming candlelight than a raging uncontrollable fire.
Following these 7 steps will help you to refuel and to RELIGHT the flame that burns within each of us, warming the world around us without burning ourselves out.
Finally, be yourself – don’t compare yourself to what others are doing or allow the expectations of others to dominate what you think you should do. Only compare yourself to your own well-reasoned and considered goals and work plans.
At Pointgard Consultancy we have courses that can further enable you to improve your personal Health and Well-being. Please get in touch to find out more.